Why Do We Fight?
by Capt. Jamil Hussein
Westerners often argue about the causes of sectarian violence in Iraq. Is it Shia vs. Sunni? Is it all sponsored by those cocksuckers in Iran? Is it about the oil?
Craig Newmark: The new butcher of BaghdadNo! None of these things is the reason. The reason, I am sad to tell you, is because Iraq has no Craigslist. Lebanon has Craigslist. Egypt has Craigslist. Even those swine in Pakistan have Craigslist! Pakistan!
What do Pakistanis need Craigslist for? Most of them have no teeth! They are like Indians who forgot how to cook! What good is Pakistan Missed Connections when all the women are wearing the same outfit and have the same color eyes? It makes no sense!
I would rather have genital herpes and no fingers to scratch in Iraq than to own six wives and a 1000 head of goats in Pakistan.
So the next time you hear some idiot talking about violence in Iraq, you'll know who to blame. It is Craig Newmark, sipper of weak American coffee in vegan coffee shops in San Francisco who is responsible. It would be less offensive to be anally penetrated by Moqtada Al-Sadr than to shake the hand of this dog Newmark.
I beg of you to contact your congressmen and ask them to force Craigslist to expand to Iraq.
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I cannot stress enough how important phone sex is in Muslim countries. When you can get stoned or castrated for adultery phone sex looks pretty good! But without Craigslist, we have no way of finding new phone sex partners, and it is this sexual tension which brings violence to Iraq. It is boiling over!
In Iraq Craiglist is called Deathlist!