Captain Jamil Hussein Blog

It seems like everywhere I go in Baghdad, people are telling me that agents of Eason Jordan are looking for me. Several times I myself have been asked if I know a Captain Jamil Hussein, and I say, "No! There is no such person!" My friends think this is hilarious, but for me it is almost like Saddam is back in power and his secret police are chasing me.

My goal in this charade is to maximize the value of my story for when Hollywood buys the rights. It will be like Not Without My Daughter but with car chases and gunfights! I want Sean Penn to play me, and Chris Tucker to play my amusingly incompetent partner Ali. The Fifth Element was just on TV here the other night and I love the part where Tucker says, "You are unclean and I cast you out, giant outer space shellfish opera whore!" So funny. I also like those films he did with that Chinese man who does karate. My agent says a buddy cop movie set in Baghdad would be a hot property, but we'd probably have to film it in Vancouver, which is in a very arid part of Canada.

If Eason Jordan really wants to find me, here I am! I even blog, just like him. (What does "Iraq's Logger" mean, anyway? We are not exactly a people with a lot of trees to spare, in case Mr. Jordan didn't know.)

Update: I have just learned that Sean Penn is less than 165 centimeters tall. So now I would prefer George Clooney to play me unless he too is a midget.